I was talking to friends of mine who are a lovely couple who, over 20 years ago, upon finding that they were unable to have children of their own, made the decision to adopt a child.
After all of the tests and paper work were complete, their new 5 year old daughter turned up their doorstep. She burst into the midst of their otherwise calm life together with all of the emotion and energy of any 5 year old. In her case, however, she had already been shaped and altered by the abuse and neglect of her life so far. Through no fault of her own she was, to say the least, a challenge. From that moment on, my friends committed their lives together to love and bless this little girl who was now their daughter.
I heard them share their testimony on Adoption Sunday in the UK, and they were so proud of their daughter. They showed some photos on the screen and talked about how she had come to faith, was baptized and later married. They shed tears of joy that she was grown up, happy and loved. Yet, the journey of parents and child had also been incredibly challenging.
Their daughter’s life before adoption had had some effects on her that were permanent. And the parts that were not permanent have taken years to heal, and will take more years yet. Even as I write this, however, I have a tear in my eye at the awesome love and sacrifice that my friends have given for the sake and good of their beloved daughter.
“Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God – children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband’s will, but born of God.” (John 1:12)
As we were talking in their kitchen it dawned on me that their action was the same as that of God.
We talked about the fact that by the age of 5 years, the character and experience of a child are already mostly formed. That, in many ways, it is too late for their new parents to form them through nurture. Their adoptive parents might cover their new children in love and devotion, but there is no guarantee that their child will grow to maturity as a healed and balanced person. We talked a little about the parents and marriages that have been wrecked after adopting challenging, hurt children, lives left exposed and attacked by the challenges that come with loving the lost and broken.
My friends, together with so many adoptive parents, made the deliberate choice to lay their lives on the line for the sake of a child in need of love and care. They had none of the run-up of pregnancy to develop a bond. Their child exploded into their life with all of the hurts and pain of their previous life. Every vulnerability in their lives was exposed and all that they could do was trust in Jesus, everyday choosing to love and nurture their daughter simply because that was what she needed. There was no guarantee of a happy ending, only of the challenges and difficulty that would come with each day. That is not to say that there were not joys, only that the life of a parent is not all joy and sweetness and light.
But the price was worth paying. I will write that again, more clearly. THE PRICE WAS WORTH PAYING!
“For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God. The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, ‘Abba, Father.’ The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children. Now if we are children, then we are heirs – heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.” (Romans 8:14-16)
The Bible tells us that those of us who believe in Jesus are children of God, adopted into His family. Men and women, accepted by the Father into the inheritance position of an elder son. Everything that is our Father’s is also ours.
God, our Father, adopts us. We turn up with all of the hurts and anguish, damage and disability, that result from the lives we lived before we come into His home. There is no guarantee to the Father that we will turn out alright, or that the unconditional love that he lavishes upon us will be accepted and bring us to healing and wholeness. The only thing that is guaranteed is that it will cost the Father all of his love.
Our Father loves us, because He chooses to do so. He is willing to deliberately pay the price for our adoption in effort, time, energy, love and, as necessary, in blood. Our growth as children is worth, to Him, His sacrifice of love and devotion.
This is a mind-blowing truth. Father offers us life as a child in His home. Not because we deserve it, but because He gives it to us. I am a child of God. I am a son of God, because he chose to love me.
Adoption is a sacrament. It is an imitation of our Father God who adopts us as his beloved children, despite all of our own issues and damages. He spends a lifetime nurturing us, leading us to healing and maturity. He sacrifices all, including the life of his true son, in order to restore us to wholeness as his beloved and blessed children. Thank you to all of you who adopt as my Father God has adopted me. How ever the situation might have turned out, wherever you and your child has ended up, you are a blessing and an inspiration. As an adopted son of God I bless you in the name of my Father who is also your Father.
“The Father bless you and keep you; the Father make his face shine on you and be gracious to you; the Father turn his face towards you and give you peace.” (my version of Numbers 6:24-26)